There are pivotal moments in life, however brief, that impact your entire perspective.  It may be a casual exchange with someone-- or maybe an incident that you witness from a distance-- that moves you enough to create a change in life direction. You may be totally aware of it at the time, but it can happen when you are young and not sure of its significance until years later. People float in and out of our lives every day, and if we are in tune to them, they will teach us something either for the positive or for the negative.

As a pre-teen in the 1960's, I  lived in a neighborhood filled with cookie cutter ranch style houses with two parent families that had an average of about four kids. My childhood was filled with happy memories, and my days were carefree and safe.  But one day, when I was about 10 or 11, something happened in the neighborhood that changed my life forever.

My friend from across the street was suddenly moving. Her father up and left his four kids and his wife.  Her mother was a stay at home Mom, as were most in those days, and she had no means to support herself or her kids.  She could not pay the mortgage and had to sell their home.  After they left we never heard from them again, and I remember feeling devastated for my friend and for her mother.  For weeks I could not think of anything else.

I remember resolving to be the sole decision-maker for my life.  I vowed to support myself and not be reliant on another person for monetary means.  All of my future decisions were based either consciously or subconsciously on that incident.  Where I went to college, what career I chose, and what house I bought, were all based on an ancillary event that had happened years before.

I have always thought of that incident as having a positive impact in my life.  I felt it had empowered me and catapulted me to my independence.  I had accomplished what I had set out to do.  

I went on to teach my daughter the same message: "If you have a means to support yourself," I told her, "then you have total freedom."  Financial independence allows you to remove yourself from, or, put yourself into, any situation because self support gives you power.  It gives you confidence.  It liberates you.  And, I told her, because you can support yourself, when and if you decide to share your life with someone it will be based on a mutual decision to be in that relationship-- not because you have to be, but because you truly want to be.

Oddly, I have never thought of that childhood occurrence as a negative, until now.

What conservative decisions did I make which have held me back rather than propel me forward?  What decisions would have been made without the fear of the loss of my independence?  Would I have changed careers, taken a shot at starting my own business, bought more real estate?  I never was a risk-taker.  Everything I have, I cherish, and have never put in jeopardy.

 So now, it is my daughter's turn to teach me a life lesson. She has started her career, she will be totally independent, and I know she will be a risk-taker.  She is not afraid of anything, especially losing.  Fear has never held her back.

At a young age she's found the confidence that leads to financial freedom. She's approaching life from a very different perspective than I, yet with the same firm foundation. While I took a conservative path to secure my autonomy, she will achieve her success through impulse and endurance.

I hope it was something I said. Or, maybe it was her own pivotal moment--- a brush with another person in her life--- that has influenced her decisions to date.

But now I know there is definitely room to be both protective of what you treasure most, and at the same time, spread your wings and fearlessly take that risk.

By Karen Capaccioli

Karen Capaccioli lives in Hanover with her husband (and two 20-something children on occasion). As Wink South's 'Voice of Reason', she shares the epiphanies that arise when we allow ourselves to look back.