I have heard it said that you can tell how a woman feels about her body-and herself--by how many pairs of black pants she has in her closet. Those subscribing to the theory that black makes you look thin, hides imperfections, and boosts esteem, will likely have more shades of black in the wardrobe. But the more black, perhaps the less self-certitude.

This thought popped into my mind as I sat at an outdoor restaurant in Scituate this past summer. 

On a perfect late August afternoon, a group of eight truly beautiful, just over 50 year old women came into the restaurant. They were all dressed in their finest, and individually, the very best they could be at that moment in time. I had the feeling they were dressed for themselves first, and each other second.  They obviously had not seen one another in a while.  They toasted each other with glasses of wine, totally content with the company of one another. They were not the least bit interested in anyone else around them.  

They were all beautiful in their own way, but one of the women in the group stood out even more than the others.  And I could see that the group knew this about her. She was blessed with natural grace, charm and poise. Her posture was impeccable. She was striking, and she had a presence that was palpable.  When she spoke to the friend beside her, her attention was focused only on that one woman, intently listening. 

Eventually, she walked away from the table, met the eyes of other diners along the way, and smiled. As I watched her, I tried to figure out what made her different from the other equally as beautiful women. She exuded complete comfort in her own skin. She honored and respected herself. This was not only obvious to her friends; it was obvious to onlookers.

I studied her laughter, her ease of being, and even her physical appearance: Her hair showed the start of gray, but she was not covering it up.  The commas around her mouth were starting to be evident, but there were no sign of fillers. The small print on the menu required her reading glasses, and she put them on without reserve.  No self deprecation whatsoever.  She loves herself, yet it is not conceit. It is confidence. It was all about her confidence.

I think women, in general, appreciate another woman who has taken very good care to have enough self respect to be the best that she can be. And, we often compliment another who has done just that. I admire a woman who has self-assurance. I am not sure how this is achieved, but you sure can recognize it when you see it.  

This woman, that beautiful August evening last summer, had it all as she strolled onto the outside patio wearing a gorgeous sapphire shoulder-less top with matching necklace,  a multi-colored ruffled skirt, and a glow that made heads turn..   

And while clothes don't make the confidence, I can guarantee she doesn't have five pairs of black pants in her closet.

By Karen Capaccioli

Karen Capaccioli lives in Hanover with her husband (and two 20-something children on occasion). As Wink South's 'Voice of Reason', she shares the epiphanies that arise when we allow ourselves to look back.