In these tough economic times, many people are opting not to take a vacation because they’re afraid to spend the money, the sentiment being, “I could be out of a job in a year.”  True, true.  And, completely understandable, to be sure.  But my sentiment is, “I could be dead in a year.”  (Just saying.  Not that I’m planning on it.)  So I’m taking that vacation, damnit.  I’m just going to hang out in Fort Lauderdale, but supposedly, you can get some pretty good deals on cruises and theme parks.

Speaking of theme parks, it may be hard to believe, but Disney World announced layoffs.  Now, before you panic and call the travel agent to cancel, let’s think about this, shall we?  Who is going to get laid off at Disney World?  Cinderella?  Mickey Mouse?  Pluto?  A Tinkerbell-free Magic Kingdom?  (You’ll have to get your pixie dust from a dealer on the corner.)  And I, for one, would really miss the Peter Pan ride, whose pirate ships would fly no more because the ride operator got sacked.

What would be the sense in going to Disney World only to discover that the once-ubiquitous characters are no more?  A Disney World devoid of thematic correlation, if you will.  Then they might as well get rid of the Disney mouse-ear hats and those $9 ice creams shaped like Mickey’s head, as they would only serve as dismal reminders of what once was to the woebegone tourists wandering blindly amidst the tumbleweeds blowing through Imaginationland.

Do you have any idea what this will do to the kids?  Shock and awe, that’s what.  Why, it’s unconscionable -- that’s what it is.  Sure, times will be tight for Disney, but the child psychologists will be raking in millions.  And believe you me, the folks at Disney know this.

So take heart, for there is good news to be had -- and a refreshing change (unless, of course, you’re in upper-level management at Disney).  For it is upper-level management being bounced, not Tigger and not Joe Blow the ride operator.  As Disney World and Disney Land merge their operations, some of the marketing and business development executives will be taking the hit, leaving Mickey, Goofy and the gang to work another day.  The Alice in Wonderland teacup ride will continue to spin children senseless.  And the theme song at the “It’s A Small World” ride will continue to get on your last nerve into the foreseeable future.

If you’ve any disposable income to spare, you might want to head down to Orlando and throw some of it the way of the Walt Disney Company to prop ‘em up.  And lose the guilt; think of all the money you’ll save on your kid’s college education.  Because there’s an important lesson here to be learned.

What’s the lesson here, kids?  Have no aspirations.  Stay at the bottom, where it’s safer.

By Maryann Boulter

Maryann Boulter is a native of Newton, Massachusetts, a graduate of Boston College, and employed at a large Boston law firm. She is editor of the Instant Gratification section of and a regular contributor/columnist to NightsAndWeekends.com, an entertainment website.  She currently resides in Southern New Hampshire with her husband and two sons.