Q:  I found out my best friend has been talking about me behind my back. Why? What do I do? Should I not trust her anymore?

Jenna: The best way to handle this is not to pretend that nothing is wrong. At the same time, don't get defensive, or accuse her of something that, right now, is just a rumor. Right?

First of all, think about the source of the information. Who told you this? Can you trust her or him? Give your best friend the benefit of the doubt, first. Weed out the source. If they are people known to be trouble-makers, then you should proceed with caution! Maybe this person/people who told you your friend is backstabbing you is just looking to stir something up for the fun of it. Or maybe, they have something against her, or you. So don't jump to conclusions.

Instead, talk to your friend and tell her that you heard something that she said about you. Ask if it is true. And, maybe it is. It could be that your friend is mad because you talked to her boyfriend, or didn't go to her sleepover the other night...It could be something silly. And yes, perhaps she said something in anger. But that doesn't mean she's not to be trusted. It just means you need to talk to her so that you understand what's wrong.  It's always best to talk things out!!!

Confront her-in a nice way.  If she denies it, and seems genuine in her reaction that she would never ever talk about you, then let it go. Or, if she admits it, but apologizes and explains why she did what she did, you might want to overlook it-this time (if it happens again, she's not being truthful with you). And if she admits it but doesn't have a good reason, and tries to turn it around against you, well, then maybe she's not your real friend. Maybe she's jealous.

And if that's the case, think about the reasons why she might be talking about you. Is she upset because you are hanging out more with another friend? Did you spend a little too much time on the phone talking to her new love interest-- even though you were talking about her?

The point is, you need to find out if she really is saying stuff to hurt you, or just wants to get your attention. The worst case scenario is if what is being said is ruining your reputation. Now you need to make some serious decisions.

Bottom line: Friends don't hurt friends.

So, think about the source of the information first, then ask her, listen, and don't accuse. Give it a few days and then make a decision as to whether this person is truly your real friend or not. Relationships change. The girl who was your best friend in second grade may be different in seventh grade. Perhaps you'll drift apart only to realize how much you have in common when you hit high school. Or, perhaps you never reconnect.

 Regardless, don't buy in to the drama!  It's always a good decision to rise above the chaos and stay true to the good person you know you are!!!

                                             TTYL,

                                             Jenna

By Jenna Perette

Jenna Perette is SSW's twentysomething blogger. Formerly Wink webzine's "voice of tweens", she now gives us a glimpse into life as a "cougar cub". Read her fun blog, The Next JennaRation!