So often we take people for granted.  We think they will always be around and we don’t ever dare to imagine life without them.  This was true for me with my Mother-In-Law, Nancy. 

I met Nancy way back in 1986, when I began dating my now husband, David.  Back then, she was 45, just two years older than I am now.  I always felt comfortable with her and the family, it’s like it was meant to be. 

Through time I became more enmeshed in the family, even living with them when David and I moved back to MA from a two year stint in Texas.  My parents, whom I always leaned on, were living in another state.  So, during that time, Nancy was my stand-in mother.  Nancy worked, took care of her ailing parents, made sure the family was well fed, laundry was done, and yet, never missed a game or gymnastics meet for one of her children.  She also made sure that the family was together for any holiday or special event and planned and organized each event from food to seating arrangements.  Her 'lists' will always be remembered.  I found myself, in the days after her passing, picking up the phone to call her for input on her menorial service - it was surreal.

Looking back, as we all have done – she did it all, and never complained. 

I remember her taking me to get my wisdom teeth out.  I was on some serious medication and she had to literally carry me back to the house.  She put me to bed and every half-hour checked on me.  She even gave me a bell.  That’s exactly who she was: The caretaker and epitome of a Mother. 

In 2002, David and I were ready to move from South Boston back to Scituate, as I was pregnant with our first child.  Nancy and my father-in-law, (also) David, found the house we live in now.  We moved in, had the baby, and saw them nearly every day from then on.  Both Nancy and Dave were here to help with the new baby, stop by with meals – give us a break. 

Two years ago, I went back to work full-time.  With three young children it was a daunting task.  I had help from my parents who now lived, thankfully, in Plymouth; a wonderful babysitter; and of course, Nancy, to help.  She spent time with the kids, carted them around to school, made meals and did laundry.  Most importantly, she gave them unconditional love and support.  She never raised her voice with them.  She thought they were the most wonderful, beautiful and smart children that ever lived.  That feeling was reciprocated. 

During that time, however, she should have been retired and relaxing. Instead, Nancy kicked it up a notch.  She not only helped with my kids, but also her other grandchildren, and took wonderful care of her husband.  And, she never missed an opportunity to see a game for her grandkids---ever. 

After her sudden passing in March, the outpouring of support was overwhelming.  She had made such a mark on people in our town, and most showed up to pay their respects, drop off a meal, or send a note.  No matter what I write, it will not be good enough, so I want to share notes that her grandchildren sent to her via balloon on the day we said goodbye…

Siena, 4 – ‘Dear Mimi, I hope you get out of heaven’

Tayen, 6 – ‘Dear Mimi, I hope you feel happy’

Cole, 7 – ‘Dear Mimi, things will never be the same without you.  I love and miss you soooo much’

Grace, 9 ‘Dear Mimi, You were amazing, I love you so much, you were great, I love you and miss you with all my heart, you were the best – I will never forget you!  PS  I put a heart in your grave…’

Riley Belle, 4 – ‘Dear Mimi, I love you!’

Sean, 4 – ‘I love you Mimi and you are awesome!’

Casey, 2 months decided to start sleeping through the night during the tough days following her passing

I am positive she is watching over all of us now. And, to sum it all up, I will borrow a line from a friend’s note.  “Her life was such a success!”  And, it truly was.

By Tracy Coyne

Tracy Coyne is a marketing expert whose experience includes Vice President of marketing for Kessler Financial Services and business development manager for PowerPay in Portland, ME. She lives on the South Shore with her husband and their three kids. Contact info: dtcoyne@comcast.net