Items That Aren’t On My Christmas List

Earlier this month I took a flight to Chicago and forgot my book, bought no magazine, and with 20 more minutes until reaching that special altitude in which it is safe to boot up your computer, I turned to the only thing I could: The SkyMall magazine.

I do enjoy seeing some of the fascinating gadgets and accessories that serve an unusual purpose. Like the fake rock that will hide an ugly pipe or problem area in your landscape, or the vibrating head massager-I mean, who doesn't want one of those? But, there were a few items that I came across that made me honestly wonder, why? Why would someone want that?

So, my friends, if you've been wondering what to get me for Christmas, here are a few items I would NOT recommend you buy for me.

The Relaxing Magic Showerhead. Here's the advertising pitch:

"Enliven your daily shower experience by transforming your regular shower into a fountain of brilliant fun with the help of MagicShowerhead which illuminates the shower water producing a variety of changing colors from Green, Blue, Yellow, Orange, Hot Pink and White. The MagicShowerhead creates an experience that can feel as enjoyable and relaxing as being in a spa. It fits standard shower hoses and shower arms. No batteries or electricity needed."

Okay, here's the thing, why do I want a fountain of brilliant fun when I just need to shave my legs, wash my hair, and get the hell out of there? (And, might I add, if I were thinking of having fun in the shower, it would not involve a light show.)

To be fair, maybe this would be a way to transition young kids from the bath to the shower, but my gut says even they'd lose interest after about two seconds. Not worth the $59.99 investment!

The Solafeet Foot Tanner:

 "If you always feel like people are gawking at your white feet and the unsightly tan lines around your ankles when you wear sandals or pumps, then you need the Solafeet foot tanner. Those tan lines can be gone in 5 to 10 days with just fifteen minutes a day. Then you can go from the golf course to the clubhouse in confidence. The Solafeet is ideal for flip-flop wearers, tennis players and joggers."

I can't remember the last time I gawked at someone's "unsightly" tan line around their ankles. Can you? Do golfers really worry about that as they walk from the course to the clubhouse? I'm curious to know...If so, for just $229.99 they can have the Solafeet Foot Tanner. But I'll pass on that one.

The Slanket:

 "Here's the best blanket - hands down - for snuggling up with a book or laptop computer."

 Oh, there's always a knock-off. This is just an over-priced version of the fabulous "Snuggie" that you can find in CVS for $10 less.

 The Canine Genealogy Kit:

 "This kit analyzes your dog's DNA and identifies the breeds in its ancestry. It provides scientific confirmation of the physical characteristics, behavioral tendencies, personality traits, and potential health risks your mixed-breed dog has inherited.  A professional laboratory tests a cotton swab that you simply rub against the inside of your dog's cheek and send to the lab in the provided envelope. The laboratory compares the unique sequences in your canine's genome with DNA markers from a database of thousands of purebred dogs."

Oh, please. Who cares? Do you and your dog get along just fine? Then go to the vet and give poochie his shots. He'll be okay without having to research his DNA!

I'm in the process of adopting a new dog (if you read my last blog you'd know why). She's a mix...and I don't think I need to swab her cheek to find out her genealogy. I'm going to love her just the way she is!

But honestly, what will they think of next?!

Read the '40 Winks' blog each month to share in my journey as a 40-something single mom in the suburbs. (It's no Sex in the City episode, but everyday is interesting!)